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Friday, April 13, 2012

Positive Character: ‘PERSONALITY’


THE BETTER MY SELF-ESTEEM
the better my relationships



Previous: Positive Character - Knowledge
REMINDER: See ACRONYM Page for abbrev.

ENTHUSIASM / HUMOR

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm," Ralph Waldo Emerson.  Having enthusiasm about performing all types of jobs (large or small) generates a lot of energy, & make us far more likely to succeed. When we believe in what we’re doing, we’re excited & look forward to achieving a goal. It’s maintaining a good attitude, even when faced with unpleasant conditions, & expressing joy in each task as we give it our best effort. We can help people smile &  feel relaxed by seeing the lighter side of things. Humor can help us cope better with pain, enhance our immune system, reduce stress. Laughter is an essential component of a healthy, happy life.
EXP:
• be an energy-giver to others  • treat every job as important  • see the foolishness of human self-importance  • take some time every day to laugh, be playful  • not stay in a state of discouragement    

HONESTY / INTEGRITY

"Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts." To act according to the values, beliefs and principles we claim to hold (internally consistent, opposite of hypocrisy) - being the same way alone as we are when in the presence of others. To always speak the truth, & more broadly - present oneself in a genuine way, without pretense. Be truthful & accurate in our actions, not hiding something in order to ‘get over’.  Take responsibility for our feelings and actions. Being honest eliminates guilt & shame, while increasing our self-confidence & sense of inner peace. Only do or say things we believe in our heart
Also - To gain or obtain something fairly. Be honorable in intentions & actions, & therefore be trustworthy. Being considerate comes from respecting oneself & others
EXP:
• able to own up to making a mistake • returning items that don’t belong to us • not being manipulative  • be fair in our dealing with others • being true to our deepest self  • be able to tolerate disagreements  • don’t exaggerate to make ourselves or things seem bigger or better than they are

HUMILITY/ MODESTY (unpretentious)
Modesty is an expression of self-confidence that allows for a balanced & fair assessment of our abilities & character. It encourages collaboration, since modest people have nothing to gain from bragging & nothing to lose by being vulnerable. 
It’s letting one’s accomplishments speak for themselves - being free from vanity, egotism, boastfulness, or great pretensions (not having to show off).  Having an inflated self-concept is actually a hindrance to achievement because it ignores the possibility of self-improvement, sacrifice & hard work. Humility does NOT mean being self-deprecating or hiding ones talents. But it’s a necessary control on the natural human tendency to think of ourselves more highly than is good either for ourselves or our community. It means not always having to be right or prove our point.
EXP:
• respect ourselves & others  • appreciate how others have helped us  • be thankful  • don’t need to out-do others by making ourselves look better or smarter • value what we have & all the good around us  • listen at least as much as we speak  • it’s being ‘grounded’ (humus = earth - Latin)

PATIENCE

"Accepting a difficult situation without giving a deadline to remove it.”
The ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. Is helps to persevere in the face of difficulties - able to stand being provoked, annoyances, misfortune or pain, without endless complaining, irritation, raging or blaming others.
Patience implies having the qualities of calmness, stability & persistent courage in hard times - the character trait of being steadfast.  In terms of decision-making, it’s choosing to wait for a more valuable reward in the long-term, over a quick but smaller one in the short-term. Being able to wait - with realistic hope - for process to run its course towards a realistic goal. Knowing we’ll get our needs met, even in the face of a postponement
EXP:
• waiting our turn  • believing in positive outcomes  • change the things we can & accept the things we can't  •  don’t interrupt • keep trying until we succeed • don’t complain when we don't get our way

SECURITY / SELF-ESTEEM
(self-awareness, self-respect)

Structure our lives around something that can’t be taken away or destroyed. The sense of inner emotional stability based on the knowledge that we are lovable & loved (but not always by our FoO). Security is also the certainty that everything is OK and that all our basic needs will be met.  Abraham Maslow’s 'Hierarchy of Needs' lists Security as a basic one at level 3. If we don’t feel secure, we can’t move onto higher levels like love and self-actualization. Feeling security allows us to take in love, & unconditional love creates self-esteem. Review POST: “Self-Esteem - What it”
EXP:
• have peace of mind from a clear conscience, not just personal comfort  • don’t worry or be anxious  •  look to appropriate authorities for protection  • correct unsafe conditions  • don’t meddle in the concerns of others • believe in ourselves • know our own worth • be comfortable with our uniqueness

SELF-DISCIPLINE


"Rejecting wrong desires and doing what is right." ... freeing ourselves from the tyranny of our base desires..... regulating what we feel & do, being disciplined, controlling appetites & emotions.  The ability to deny ourselves something we want because of a higher purpose or objective (not cheating in order to not suffer guilt, shame, punishment....). Self discipline is an expression of our motivation & is highly correlated with being honest. It helps us be successful at reaching personal goals by taking advantage of opportunities & promoting self-esteem. It is not endless, but can be replenished by sleep, self affirmation exercises, positive emotional experiences & healthy support. It’s like a muscle – a skill that can be exercised and improved.
EXP:
• remove temptations (people, places & things) • don’t act impulsively  • don’t equate desires with rights  • set our own limits  • see anger as a sign that something is off in ourselves •  walk away from things that aren't right

THRIFTINESS

While mainly thought of regarding money, it is generally being prudent (economical) in the management of all consumable resources, which can lead to increasing material benefits. Making use of every part of something to avoid being wasteful.
Only spend what’s necessary - most of the time, & save for a splurge once in a while. It does NOT mean being anorexic or deprivational. It is staying within our means, not overindulging on a regular basis. Keep track of spending, make a reasonable budget & follow it. Also - being careful of other people’s well-being & goods. Consider the long run - the benefits of being careful to self, family, community & the planet.
EXP:
save more and spend less • make good use of what we already have • look for the best value  •  wisely use money, time & energy • don’t confuse needs with wants

NEXT: Positive Character - WORK

3 comments:

  1. I'm recovering from codependency and discovered many of my issues are linked to being an adult child of a ACOA. I can relate to so much of your posts - I use your blog as a recovery tool. Just wanted to say thanks for being here.

    Sandra

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for letting me know. I'm glad it's helping.
    As you may have read in my bio - I'm also the A-C of 2 ACoAs.

    I'm so grateful to Alanon & other 12 step programs for providing answers - and healing - to all my questions & confusion that no one else had ever provided.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm a big fan of the 12-step programs, too! I attended Nar-Anon for five years to deal with my daughters addiction - it was the best thing I ever did for myself in my life. It also opened the door to my ACOA issues. I always knew something was wrong at home. I was such a fearful kid, and walked on eggshells constantly. My parents didn't drink alot and "looked" normal to everyone else, they just didn't act that way. Any way, thanks again!

    Sandra

    ReplyDelete